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Rehearsal Dinner Hosts?

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A few months ago I wrote to y’all about The Mr.’s parents not saying ANYTHING about hosting a rehearsal dinner and so we started planning one on our own, within our budget.

An…“I Do” BBQ

Designed by Jae Etsy Shop

That’s what the theme of the rehearsal dinner was going to be.  I really like the idea of a country type wedding, but that didn’t happen, so I thought it was the perfect way to tie in our “county-ness” into our wedding.

I wanted mason jars, bandanas, and boots!

Well, we finally had a sit down conversation about what his parents would be contributing.

  • Alcohol.  We were going to have a beer and wine only reception with sodas offered.  We were going to just do ‘house’ wines, but that wasn’t up to par, so they offered to pay.
  • They wanted to host the rehearsal dinner.

Yep, host the rehearsal dinner.  You know, the one I had already planned because they hadn’t stepped up sooner.  The one that they could have said they wanted to host for 10 months, but never did so I started planning it for us.  They said that it was only traditional and that they should be able to do this.  (Mind you…There is NOTHING traditional about The Mr.’s family.)  Anyway, we agreed.


We wanted to be “Hosting” our own rehearsal dinner just like we are “Hosting” our own wedding.  But…in order to keep the future FIL and FIL’s wife happy, we agreed to allow them to pay.  I let them know that I had already planned most of the details out (caterer and all) and that everything was pretty much set in stone,  they said that they just wanted to be able to pay.  Ok, GREAT!  Sounds good to us!

Not so fast…of course.  We receive a text message saying that they are thinking of other places and wanted to know what we thought.  We kindly replied that since we had planned it from the beginning that we had an idea in mind and didn’t really want to stray that far from that.  Their response…”as the hosts, we need to feel comfortable with the place.”  Really?!?  As the hosts?!?!  The hosts who didn’t plan anything from the get go, waited for MONTHS to mention any contribution to our wedding.  The HOSTS!

Ugh!  Really ticked me off!

My first desired response…whatever!  I don’t even care!

My second desired response…let me plan my own rehearsal dinner because you just got to plan yours less than a year ago.  We weren’t happy with that place (or the whole situation- them getting married, her mother coming up to us saying that we need to accept them because they are happy, never mind that NONE of his children were happy, etc.), but we didn’t say anything.  If y’all aren’t happy with ours…don’t say anything.  Not your wedding!

My third desired response…If this is such an inconvenience to you then please allow us to host our own event (Again).

Not really sure what to do.  I’ve avoided responding thus far, but days later, I feel like we need to give a response.  I just don’t know why people offer to pay for things to be helpful (even though we wanted to host it), and then try to change things.  It’s our wedding!  I understand that they think they are being nice, but they probably shouldn’t have wanted to be nice in the first 10 months of us planning a wedding.

I feel like I’m being ungrateful, but they weren’t offering up a penny to start.  I feel (and my Mr. has confirmed) that they reason they are not comfortable is because it is not NICE enough for them (BBQ) and they don’t want their name on such a casual event as the hosts.

What do I do?!?


About Liz

Starting my new journey as a wifey!

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